It’s the morning, the results of the US election are in. We can tell this as a man in a suit in the background is holding a newspaper that says ‘Trump wins presidency’, despite that being both a shit headline and an impossibility because the papers were all printed before the results were in.
We’re in the Birmingham Chamber of Commerce office. It says so on the sign. There’s a bloke, well fed in a suit and tie. His desk sign tells us he is Paul Faulkner CEO of the Chamber. Let’s just say he’s made this out of a Toblerone packet much like you may have done playing offices as a kid, because, how would you get one of those these days? He’s on the phone, but holding it off his ear, hand over the mouthpiece.
“It’s BBC WM on the phone, desperately casting around for a local angle on the Trump election. I’ve told her that Midlands business can help make America ‘great’ again. But now they want an example…”
He has a traditional secretary, glasses and a beehive. She’s bringing him in a cup of tea – with saucer – on a tray. She says:
We’re not sure how this ends, so you can pick your favourite response here. It’ll give you about as much power over what happens next as your average voter.
- “He could get the bricks for his wall at Wickes’s up by the Albion ground?”
- “It’s a pity they’ll now be able to make their dystopian films at home now”
- “Do they like award winning pop-up street food?”
- “I think they are capable of making up their own bullshit.”
- “You can get white sheets for Klan outfits and tin foil for hats at Latifs.”
- “I’m sorry, this retro construct of a scene is so far removed from reality as is the idea that a sensible member of the Birmingham establishment would say something so stupid, that I am unable to suspend disbelief for long enough to comment.”