Back in the days when Chris Evans was an exciting broadcasting newcomer, The Big Breakfast used to buffer ad breaks with a sort of competition that wasn’t. “Don’t call us, it’s just for fun,” they would shout — not only saving money, but keeping them out of any scandals involving giving the prizes to Ant and Dec or fiddling with David Kid Jenson or something.
That was ace, but what they didn’t do was set up a non-emergency phone call centre — and then make social media lols out of the people who called them. That’s what WM Police do, however. For a call centre, they seem to be rather pissed off at having to answer the phone. Personally, we think the non-emergency local number for your police might be a good first point of contact if you thought you spotted a dangerous animal, a potentially dangerous traffic incident or essentially to report a crime: but then we’re not a public service having fun at the expense of vulnerable people.
— WMP Force Contact (@WMPContact) July 30, 2015
So here are the best fictional subtweets sent out by the WMP Force: