The Wilko Report: Copy, right?

This article was commissioned by backers on the ‘crowdfunding’ journalism site Contributoria, but was not published. However as it is CC licensed we are able to publish here. Contributoria members are able to see the article’s production history.

Local newspapers are fighting a war against the web for digital attention — their advertising revenue and their lives depend on it. But are some fighting more dirty than others: reading smaller websites and ripping off their content?

If this were a case of copy and paste it would be solved easily. If it were a case of news stories it would be just what newspapers have been doing to each other since the first coffee house pamphlets — reporting what’s out there, borrowing each other’s exclusives. But this is more insidious: newspaper websites now trade in non-news pieces and ideas and content for these can be taken from anywhere. Possibly you.

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101 Things Birmingham Gave The World. No. 56: The ‘ice bucket’ challenge

Why did Sir Edmund Hillary drag a lot of people up Everest before taking all the glory himself? Supposedly ‘because it was there’. Why do celebrities stand outside (or in other places that it doesn’t matter if they get wet) in old, but presentable clothes (that won’t be ruined if they get wet) and have some cold water poured on them? Because someone told them too. And because they are just scared of missing out.

Would Stan Collymore jump in the fire just because Benedict Cumberbatch told him to? He’d tell his mum ‘no’, but if it was a jug of chilled Evan, on camera, with a promise of being seen as a fun stand-up guy… All hail ‘the ice bucket challenge’: the challenge being to make sure your audience thinks about you fondly for a few seconds.
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Ten things you can get in Birmingham for a pound that will change your life forever

  1. A record from Reddingtons
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  2. Eat like a King (or Queen) at Mr Egg

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  3. A double vodka in Snobs. And then all the indie you can eat comes for free.

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  4. Have 3.33 pisses at New Street Station.

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  5. Anything (but not everything) from Poundland as it was founded by a Brummie.

  6. A packet of waxy, horrible posh crisps from the Hare and Hounds when you just want some Smiths or Walkers.

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  7. A bag of dodgy Loom Bands off one of the New Street trading posts.

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  8. 5 disposable lighters off some guy in the pub.

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  9. All rides (Dodgems £1.50)

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  10. A trolley from The Asda, to take back to halls of residence or to throw in the Tame.

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BONUS: And you can get a photo of Mr Egg from us for £1 when you make the minimum pledge on our Kickstarter.

Pictures: Sean O’Sullivan, Jon Bounds, Dominik Schwind, Sunchild 57 Photography, Vijay Chennupati, Carl Baker, Anne, Elliot Brown

Extra reporting by Jon B, Jon H and Midge.

101 Things Birmingham Gave The World. No. 54: Suburbia

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Suburbia eh? Leafy streets, Terry and June, mock tudor, bay windows – surely that all started in Surrey or Middlesex, and spread to the rest of the country? Well no, it all started in Birmingham, of course.

When George Cadbury moved his factory from central Birmingham to what was then rural Worcestershire he decided to create a model village. It was not just to house his workers, contrary to received wisdom, it was more ambitious than that. Open to all, it was designed as a model for how the lives of workers would be improved. The most important thing, reading his comments at the time, was to get them away from pubs and give them gardens – which proved a boon to both the local B&Q and the off license trade in Stirchley.

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Secret cinema fans disappointed yet again as nothing happens at Star City

“First it was the Back to the Future production and now this” – modern cinema fans send warning over uneventful cinema trip at Birmingham’s Star City.

Cinema goers, already disappointed by the cancellation of their tickets for the interactive Secret Cinema showing of Back to the Future, have expressed anger over a trip this weekend to the controversial Vue Cinema at Birmingham’s Star City. They’d expected to have a visceral experience of muslim-on-white racism which would have added to the overall impact of How to Train Your Dragon 2 but instead were disgusted to find that absolutely nothing of any note happened.

Annabel, 28, a publicist, told us “I bought an off peak day return from London to Birmingham so that we could experience the racist cinema that hates non-Muslims for ourselves.”  She’d planned the trip as a treat for her boyfriend – Darren, who is a champion barista and novelist – to make up for the fact that their Secret Cinema dreams were dashed last month. “When we got there we soon found out that the cinema was largely automated – from the ticket machine through to refreshments, there was no human interaction. We didn’t even have our tickets checked. Darren thinks he might have seen a member of staff in the toilets, but it could just have been a guy wearing black jeans and a black polo shirt. For fashion. Perhaps that’s how they dress up here?” Darren, 29, added “I couldn’t tell that it was a racist cinema at all because there was no one to speak to. I even think the projection booth is just a PC running some digital files on a scheduled loop. I feel conned.”

Brand expert Dale Ingram said “this is a strange move for Birmingham. Visitors are now invested in the Trojan Horse narrative, and for a cinema to not deliver on that shows a lack of coherency in brand message.”

The couple did see a lot of asian teenagers on lunch time dates at Star City’s Nando’s “I think it might be one of the halal ones I heard about” Annabel said “but to be honest there were white people there, black people too and I think some of the asian ones were sikhs. It’s hard to tell. Which ones are Indian?”

The disappointed couple then headed to Birmingham city centre “we heard there’s a Selfridges at the Bullring, and a Jamie’s Italy near the train station. It really is amazing how far the town has come on. It’s nearly as good as Manchester, isn’t it?” Darren said.

4 defaced Birmingham road signs that won’t surprise you, and then some undefaced ones that might

It’s a cliché, but one of the best things about Birmingham is this sign:

And we salute the indefatigability of the young scamps that keep it going.

Some don’t put the effort in, but scrape a pass:

Some try but fail:


Hey, we’re all in the gutter but some of us are looking at a road sign that can be made to look a bit rude.

But, in general, kids today just can’t be bothered. They’re probably too brainwashed with that aggressive Islamist agenda they have in school these days. Where’s the next Banksy going to come from?
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Paradise Circus is backing Birmingham to win the World Cup

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Birmingham’s biggest hyperlocal satirical website is backing Birmingham to take the World Cup by storm — and it’s putting its money where it’s mouth is. In a betting shop, in Paradise Forum.

The team behind Paradise Circus have attempted to devise the most Brummie World Cup bet possible, and they’re staking their all on it — at odds of over 200,000 to 1 — with what they’re calling the Brummie Backing World Cup Accumulator™.

Did they back Germany, three times winners and again one of the favourites? There are connections as ex-Villa star Thomas Hitzlsperger still claims to be 100% Brummie:


But he’s retired.

Did they back Switzerland for the title? After all it’s where Lord Birmingham Digby Jones’ mates probably have their bank accounts. No, as Birmingham itself is unfairly excluded from entering the championship, the bet is all about the players.

First on the team sheet was Villa’s Ron Vlaar who we backed to score the first goal in the Netherlands’s first match against defending champions Spain. As a centre half this might not be likely but the Villa captain has brummie spirit in his bonce and a nod from a set piece is in the plan.

United States and Aston Villa goal-saver Brad Guzan is Paradise Circus’s bet for the Golden Glove award. He might not be first choice between the sticks for Team USA, but that means he’s less likely to let any offensive kickers net past him — right?

England’s potential Golden Boot Winner, Hockley’s Daniel Sturridge is the website’s star man — they’re backing the Brummie to be the top scorer in the whole tournament. His uncle, Birmingham City legend, Simon scored 30 goals for city and the first in the Leyland DAF Cup win against Tranmere in 1991 — so big game experience is in the DNA.

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The Paradise Circus team have already started to mentally spend the money,  possibly on 211,806 vuvuzelas or something. They’re still hip, right?


Thanks to Midge and Harry for help and advice.

House photo CC by: Elliot Brown 

You can lead a horse to Severn Trent Water, but can you make him think?

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The Trojan Horse story is a Trojan Horse itself, with more Michael Gove reforms inside. Howard Wilkinson prescribes a shot of localism to be injected into the moral panic.

Do you remember when you could drive right up to an airport terminal door to pick up or drop off your loved ones? But then someone tried to drive a car into Glasgow airport and now you have to spend a fortune to park a long way away instead. There’s no profit in peace boys, but the cunning can derive themselves a real benefit by sneaking in wrapped in a cloak of moral panic and moving everything around whilst you’re not looking.

And so it is that this story of Islamist school governors is a real gift horse for Michael Gove, and he’s gone Greek on it; the moral panic of the Trojan Horse opens a door through which the Education Secretary can burst with a fresh crop of reforms that also happen to play well as a response to “the UKIP earthquake” (copyright everyone). Yes, the real Trojan Horse here is the story itself, and Michael Gove is hanging out of its arse waving a policy paper that says “Britishness”. GOTCHA.

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The Paradise Circus Buildings at Risk Register

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The ‘BUSK’ (Birmingham United Services Club) round the back of the Mailbox isn’t the prettiest of buildings, but it is in prime development territory. Since the great fire of 2006 Eddies has been rocking there, but now there are problems — due to a ‘Change in Ownership’ of the ‘Property’ — so we’re officially placing the building on PC Buildings at Risk Register.

Fires seem to plague buildings in nice areas that are well used or loved by uncommercial communities. It’s tragic when they go up in flames, only for structural tests carried out later to conclude that they are best knocked down. What’s lucky is that often firefighters are able to prevent flames spreading to nearby apartment blocks.

It’s a curse that can dog some of the city’s brightest entrepreneurs. Who would know just what delights would have become of the Villa Leisure Centre or the old Holte Hotel if they weren’t so damn flammable in the late 80s and early 90s.

It can happen to old bingo halls like King’s Heath Kingsway, or even beloved pawnbrokers like King’s Heath’s Cash Converters. If it can happen in these areas of high rented housing need it can happen anywhere.

Do help, add buildings to the register here…

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Satirical Cartoon: Local and EU elections

Councillor John Lines (he looks like a fat Jimmy Greaves) is in his old Lord Mayor’s uniform — he’s holding up a Tory election leaflet that says ‘No more garden tax’ and is berating a group of dustmen. The dustmen are dressed like the dad in My Fair Lady except they have some Nazi uniform bits (maybe one has a cap, another an armband).

“But you dressed us up like this.” one of the binmen is saying.

Sneaking past towards the Birmingham Council House, which is draped in a banner that says ‘Local and EU Elections Today’ — are some actual Nazis, with BNP, UKIP rosettes on riding a wheelie bin. Farage is pushing the bin and grinning — while slurping from a pint obviously.

A local newspaper reporter ‘Press’ card in the brim of his trilby hat is watching Lines and writing. He has a copy of the Evening Mail with the headline ‘Council binmen like the Gestapo‘.