After Christmas dinner cognitive abilities are low and methane levels are high. No wonder then that a fair proportion of people choose not to move from in front of the TV: some just can’t, others think that watching Downton Abbey or Doctor Who is just a bit common. They’re right. And in lieu of any stimulating debate, here’s some recommended Bham-based board games you might want to gather the family round the table for:
Stuck for a present? Why not try the new Birmingham: It’s Not Shit the book, or 101 Things Birmingham Gave the World.
Escape from Weoley Castle the Board Game
Take on the role of an inner city kid: stripped of all of your life chances you face years of brutal class attacks and vicious austerity cuts! OR you can chose to be a Tory politician, producing policies to end social mobility!
Tories must spend the entire game in another room eating lobsters bought with withdrawn EMA grants, ignoring the desperate cries for help from those in the room next door.
Kids must trudge around the board distracting themselves with cheap poppers and pictures of Tulisa in Nuts or Heat. Escape is possible only if a Villa scout sees them put two past Burton Albion for Tamworth, if they put out a dubstep album, or they get past the audition stage of a reality show. Those who are unsuccessful at music and football must pin their hopes on completing a challenge from a Springsteen Card in the final round.
Monopoly – Capita’s Service Birmingham Edition
A local twist on a worldwide favourite – every time you land on something you already own pay Capita £1.2m.
A manc and a brummie square off in this classic two player game. Complete a series of banal challenges to win points. Will your Christmas market be the biggest in Europe? Who will win the regional BBC output challenge? When the whistle blows the one with the most points is declared The Second City! (Salford not included).
Popular speech writing game in which you play a Birmingham City Councillor. Can you get away with jokes about wheelie bins in your speech at the Birmingham Press Club dinner? How about a child services joke? The higher the risk the bigger the points – if you can pull it off.
Players compete to put together a complete generic set of boring photos of the Library of Birmingham: can you get a photo of the sunken amphitheatre, the secret garden and the exterior ironwork whilst avoiding checking out a book? Coming soon: New New Street expansion pack.
Marketing Birmingham cry ‘Give Us a Clue’ in this family favourite where players have to guess what is being said in silent clips of Andrew Mitchell.
We took the classic parlour game 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon and scaled it down to hyperlocal size! Connect any 4 Brummies in a line to get to Jamelia.
Build a Better BrumBurger
The heat is on to produce the most pretentious artisanal burger at the Kings Heath Street Food Market. No time limits, in fact the longer it takes the better.
Match embarrassing incidents and crass soundbites to brummie celebrities and politicians. Only one card per game is actually a John Hemming Moment – guess Hemming right to earn a bonus, but lose a point when you choose him incorrectly!
Digby Jones’s Snakes & Ladders
All the snakes turn into ladders if you try hard enough but if there’s a worldwide recession they are all snakes. Be the first to get to the top and then remove all of the ladders.
Mixology meets Bridge in this hipster mash up of a card game you can play with your gran and an amazing night out in a pop up speakeasy. Comes with three rolls of Super 8 film, a knitting pattern and an ironic deck of “sexy” playing cards featuring Tara King.
Images: Weoley scene, Castle sign & Bham montage pics from Wikimedia Commons, Pickles by NCVO Photos