We’ve just heard that the lead in the new Star Wars film, Rogue One, is from Bournville: Felicity Jones, formerly of The Archers. So we feel we need to do some jokes, but there’s a problem: one of us has never seen Star Wars, one of us has never listened to The Archers. Here’s how we got on…
JH: Mate, the lead in the new Star Wars is from Bournville. What do we do about that?
JB: Is she?
JH: Apparently.
JB: I don’t know what she looks like.
JH: Well nobody does mate it’s another new film and we’ve only seen one trailer, today. It’s not Daisy Ridley.
JB: Isn’t she the new one?
JH: No she’s the new one from the old new film. This is a different one.
JB: Oh, right you mean the one from The Archers. Felicity Jones.
JH: I don’t know what she sounds like.
JB: Yes. I checked it now, I think it’s the same one.
JH: OK. So The Archers, that’s an angle, right?
JB: She played one of the ‘working class’ Grundys — is there anything really farmy-mucky in Star Wars?
JH: They’re all farmers mate.
JB: No they’re not, some of them run a pub.
JH: The Cantina?
JB: No the Bull
JH: What planet was that on?
JB: Huh?
So what is this film about then?
JH: It’s the set up to Star Wars. She has to find some secret documents.
JB: The fourth film?
JH: No the first one, with Mark Hamill in it.
JB: The new one?
JH: No the old one. Not the new old one, the old old one.
JB: What’s the secret document?
JH: Looks like she found the Capita contract.
Five Things Felicity Jones is Rebelling About in the Next New Star Wars Film
- Lack of pubs
- Stirchley’s border creep
- Dairy Milk recipe change
- Cross-city line delays
- She wants to paint her door another colour
