No. 5: Money for nothing, and chicks for free

Hiya bab,

Welcome to the latest issue of our weekly* freemium** email*** that is always first with the big cultural news****!

“Which Campbell Brother Are You?” quiz

We couldn’t be bothered to write the quiz, so just take some personality questions from any of the millions on the web and assume you’ll be assigned one of these scores…

  • You’re good looking, a natural front-man, but your temperament makes you etc, you’re Ali.
  • You’re loyal, always willing to step up to the plate etc… you’re Duncan
  • You’re the other one
  • You’ve admitted to robbing a bookie’s, you’re the other other one
  • Erm, are there any more?

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What are people seeing from the WM Police roflcopter?

The porcine eye in the sky reports seeing word ‘help’ make out of discarded season tickets on the pitch at Villa Park, meanwhile at St Andrews back-room staff made an arrow pointing the Villa down out of some of Barry Fry’s signings that are still hanging around. Baggies fans didn’t seem to be doing anything much from the air but they were all laughing a lot so that’s good. There are rumours the best display is at Walsall but nobody cares.

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Press here: Brainstorming ideas for the Mail

  • A list of B’ham residents with zero-rated hygiene. They could start with the front bar of the Prince in Moseley.

MP’s Partners Top Trumps. No 1

Name: Tom Phillips Pic from:

Cooking: 7/10 Makes his own sourdough.

Administration Skills: Limited 5/10. Mrs Phillips said: “He has all the skills I need to do that. It’s about setting up the office, making sure the IT works and I need someone with the skills to do that.” But “can’t plan anything ‘more than three days ahead’” Guardian.

Job: Constituency Support Manager.

Cultural interests: Comics

Political interests: None. “He has no interest in politics – he isn’t even a member of the party” Guardian.

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In case you missed it…

  • Danny Smith has been writing for us, in all our forms, for as long as we can remember.  He’s a blue-haired gonzo with a habit of going misty-eyed over cute kids, and having a red mist descend when seeing how privilege fucks those same kids over. In prose he can find the mould in the corners of even the most ‘laughing with canal-side salad’ press event. So much so that we as editors have a stock response to anything we don’t want to go to: “Send Danny.” But now he’s sending himself way.  Read his farewell letter to Brum here.
  • We made a joke about Star Wars and the Archers. 
*unlikely **this means nothing ***yes, yes it is ****also unlikely

And finally…

We’ve no idea what this is, but I think it crapped on my car last time I parked in Digbeth.

Ta-ra a bit,
Director of Satire
Paradise Circus

Author: Jon Bounds

Jon was voted the ‘14th Most Influential Person in the West Midlands’ in 2008. Subsequently he has not been placed. He’s been a football referee, venetian blind maker, cellar man, and a losing Labour council candidate: “No, no chance. A complete no-hoper” said a spoilt ballot. Jon wrote and directed the first ever piece of drama performed on Twitter when he persuaded a cast including MPs and journalists to give over their timelines to perform Twitpanto. But all that is behind him.