The longest German Market planning email thread in Europe

Due to the unique way that Service Birmingham’s email security systems are funded, this correspondence about the Council’s festive plans has somehow been CC’d to us. It’s just nice to see that they actually plan things.

From: Albert.bore@bham.gov.uk

To: Jurgen.Beckenbauer@germanmarket.de

Re: Das Markt

1st October 2014 11:01

Dear Jurgen,

I hope this finds you well. I’m conscious that it’s October and that we will shortly need to begin the process of planning for this year’s German Market. So we can get the ball rolling at our end I’d like to hear some your ideas for new product lines for 2014 that reflect changes in local and national culture and events.

As you know, the council are facing a dire financial situation so I’d be particularly pleased to hear of ways you plan to boost revenue this year.

Kind regards,

Albert

 

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From: Jurgen.Beckenbauer@germanmarket.de

To: Albert.bore@bham.gov.uk

Re: Re: Das Markt

1st October 2014 12:37

Dear Albert,

Thank you for your email. We are very much looking forward to coming to Birmingham again this year. Here are our ideas:

Pulled Pork Mit Alles: We take to leftover pig from the hog roast stand and soak it in water for 24 hours, creating a gigantic vat of stuff that would ordinarily be fed to dogs that allows us to charge a £2 premium on any product; Waffles Mit Pulled Pork, Wurst Mit Pulled Pork, and so on.

Das Craft Bierkeller: the is just normal beer but with silly names and served in jam jars.

Die Streetfood Halle: slightly better looking servers (mit the red trousers, and the “Nazi schoolboy haircuts” you are having now) will serve our regular food but for customers queueing for longer.

The State of the Union Pie: This contains 45% meat products (heart, guts, etc) and 55% hot air.

Finally, as you guests, we are keen to uphold British traditions so we will be employing workers on zero hours contracts at minimum wage and will not be paying any tax.

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From: Albert.bore@bham.gov.uk

To: Jurgen.Beckenbauer@germanmarket.de; saskia.flannagan-woolley@bham.gov.uk

Re: Re: Re: Das Markt

1st October 2014 12:55

Dear Jurgen,

I think these will go down well with the Birmingham people. I’m going to ask Saskia from marketing to touch base with you on promotion.

AB

 

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From: saskia.flannagan-woolley@bham.gov.uk

To: Jurgen.Beckenbauer@germanmarket.de

Re: Re: Re: Das Markt

1st October 2014 13:20

Bonjour Jurgen!

Thanks so much for working on the new product lines! We are working on some leaflets about this and also on updating the website!

We had some thoughts about brand! Would it be possible to rename one of the areas of the city centre after a  famous person with connections to both Birmingham and Germany!? Our team thought that maybe our Southside/Theatre/LBGT quarter (which struggles for coherent branding except during productions of Miss Saigon) could be rebranded the Thomas Hitzelsperger Quarter: maybe he could come out to open it!

I’m keen to really make the event pop with some great digital! Have you had any thoughts?

I’m following you on Twitter! I very much like your cat pictures, she’s so cute <3

Saskia x

 

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From: saskia.flannagan-woolley@bham.gov.uk

To: turpin.richard7@capita.com

Fwd: Re: Re: Re: Das Markt

1st October 2014 13:24

Hi Dick,

The German Market have added some new product lines for 2014! Exciting!

Can you add 4 pages to the microsite please, copy attached!?

Drinks soon xoxo<3

 

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From: Jurgen.Beckenbauer@germanmarket.de

To: saskia.flannagan-woolley@bham.gov.uk

Hitzelsperger Quarter (was Re: Re: Re: Das Markt)

1st October 2014 16:47

Dear Saskia

I have had our sports liaison team look into the idea, but am told that after his retirement from football Thomas revealed that he had always felt more Chinese than German: so I don’t think this suitable.

Maybe Gisela Stuart?

Jurgen

 

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From: Mike.Street@bham.gov.uk

To: Albert.bore@bham.gov.uk

Re: Traffic planning, German market

2nd October 2014 08:57

Albert,

Traffic management sustainability as ever being paramount in our 2020 Vision, our department has a plan for this Winterval’s Twin City Retail Festival. 

Proposed is a temporary traffic regulation order, under BCC’s role as local Highways Authority. It would cover a 1m x 1m section of Victoria Square for the period of 13th November – 22 December hereby to be referred to as “between the wurst stand and Bob Wilson’s Dambusters March playing carousel”. The area would be designated a bus route: and any improper use (BCC to define ‘improper’) would be subject to an on-the-spot fine of £80. Of course this would need adequate signage, but in a spirit of cross-European co-operation I thought we could make that signage both adequate and in German.

Thoughts?

M

 

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From: Albert.bore@bham.gov.uk

To: Mike.Street@bham.gov.uk

Re: Re: Traffic planning, German market

2nd October 2014 11:20

Mike,

“Wunderbar!”

Bore

 

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From: Jurgen.Beckenbauer@germanmarket.de

To: saskia.flannagan-woolley@bham.gov.uk

2nd October 2014 14:56

Dear Saskia

Today here in Frankfurt, Stefan Johanns, our renowned local blogger expert has begiven us a great presentation with SOCIAL MEDIA. I think you would like Stefan a lot, he says he worked in Birmingham for a while doing blogging which is like an online journal. He told us about going VIRAL with the business and told us that in England  ‘amusing’ chalkboards outside pubs and restaurants are great for going VIRAL.

We want to go VIRAL.

Here are our German jokes for the chalkboards, please:

“Come try our least good sausage, it is a wurst-style sausage. Other sausages are available.”

“My dog has no nose / how does it smell / He can’t, he doesn’t have a nose” 

“There is no cake left, as it is stollen.”

“My wife went to the Caribbean on holiday / Jamaica? / No, Barbados, actually”

These are very, very funny in German!

AufwiederTweeten!

 

Jürgen x

 

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From: turpin.richard7@capita.com

To: saskia.flannagan-woolley@bham.gov.uk

3rd October 2014 16:59

Hi Saskia,

Those pages are outside of scope.

Will have them by end of March 2015.  Shouldn’t be too much work: about £500k, plus £150 for replying to your email.

Richard.

 

By Howard Wilkinson

Director of Satire, Paradise Circus. Howard adds stability at the top, taking a strategic overview of operations whilst also stepping in from time to time in a caretaker author role.

Director of Satire, Paradise Circus. Howard adds stability at the top, taking a strategic overview of operations whilst also stepping in from time to time in a caretaker author role.