The Paradise Circus Cut-Out-and-Keep Guide to Regenerating Birmingham

Hot on the heels of the news that another area of Birmingham will have its architectural significance airbrushed from history in order for it to be regenerated into another identikit mixed use development with a fucking Costa at the bottom, Paradise Circus presents a simple three step process to the Birmingham regeneration process.

STEP 1: Manufacture A Design Issue

Sure, the lollipop is an enduring design and represents cosy familiarity with the human/confectionery relationship — but its form creates a barrier to the free movement of flavour and satisfaction.


STEP 2: Cover Things in Shiny Shit

But see how the lollipop looks so much better now that it’s wrapped in shiny shit? It doesn’t matter that the original design is obscured, this is progress.


NB/ This step also followed by Slade’s management, and Cadbury’s.

STEP 3: Give it a stupid name

Et Voila, bab. I bet London and Manchester wish they had one of these, and it’s just made the Top 10 Must See Destinations list in the newspaper we purchased some ad-space with.


Keep this guide in a safe place and go back to step 1 in about 15 years


Author: Craig Hamilton

Craig is a pop music geek, musician/songwriter, and proud dad. He lectures in Music Industries @bcumedia, does digital stuff for Static Caravan Records, and runs @rocknrolltedium - which is literally not worth a tumblr.

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